The Search

 

 

As I lie in the soft grass of a local park, I find myself alone with my thoughts, once again. A gentle summer breeze bestows upon me the aroma of freshly cut grass, blooming flowers and cooked foods all churned together and set free to meander about the park. The sun's golden glow wraps me in warmth and delivers a sense of security and release from the hassles of everyday life. I feel at peace with nature, yet burdened with knowledge that something is missing.

I see the beauty that surrounds me; the picturesque view, the children playing, the people laughing among other things and I feel the segregation. At times it is like I am the audience, the only critic, and the world a play set in motion. It is not a sad existence, from where I sit, for life has been good to me in regards to health, education, family and work, yet I can not help but feel the need to share my play. Why should I be the only one to covet the world's secrets? They must be viewed through the eyes of another to see what I see, to hear what I hear, to feel what I feel and to point out that which I have overlooked.

This world is not meant for me alone, but has room for another. Do not misread my words, for I have loved before. The love I have felt in the past has gripped me like no other, yet it too has faded into the backdrop of my play over the years. Now it is back, once again, stronger than before and with renewed vengeance it assaults me. It has flourished during its absence and learned new ways to cling to my soul. It seems to have developed a fuller for profound understanding of me, yet I know it is a trickster at best. It has given me insight into myself and for that I thank it, but I am skeptical of its intent and weary of how long it plans to stay. It is hard to trust that which you do not truly understand and even harder to give in to another's soul.

So, as I lie here in my park watching my play I wonder why the seat next to me is empty and hope that this time I have found the right person to fill it.

 

 

Todd S. Jones